Matt: The Legendary Journeys

Those who have lived with me most likely will remember the fact that there are times when I hear about something and I decide that I really want it. Not only do I really want it, but I want it right at that particular moment. Because of this, I’m not content to just order it online and wait for it to arrive, rather I will go on an epic quest to retrieve the object of my desire. I went on such an epic quest last night, and it took me to a place I never thought I’d go again.

My friend Amanda had recently offered to help me find out if there was Thai food that I liked. She is a big fan, and I figured that going to a restaurant with a big fan would be the best way to figure out that sort of thing. Were I to judge by this last visit, I would have to say that no, Thai food just isn’t really my thing. The more important thing to come from this social occasion, though, was the information Amanda gave me about how Target currently carries pajama pants which feature some of the classic Universal monsters. Since discovering that, for years, I had been wearing clothing that was too big for me, I had wanted to start replacing everything in my wardrobe. Sleepwear was at the bottom of the list, since it’s not really anything I wear out in public, but recognizing that these particular garments are most likely seasonal, I decided it was high time to pick up some new PJs.

My initial plan had been to run out to the Target a few miles from my place on Saturday, but I decided instead to use Saturday as a day to do absolutely nothing. I watched Lucky Number Slevin—which was okay—and a couple episodes of Veronica Mars—still a great show. I was able to keep from feeling completely anti-social by chatting with my friend Laura on IM, who was using her Saturday in similar fashion. All in all, it was a nice way to pass the weekend, especially considering as how I have plans for the next couple.

On Sunday, I, Darcy and Darcy’s friend Steve—who was in town for a wedding—went to Target, and after looking in their menswear section, I found none of the pajama pants for which I was looking. Later that day, after dropping Steve off at the airport, I went to another Target, which was slightly farther away from my house. Once again, I searched to no avail. Since it was already turning dark, I decided to call it a day.

After work on Monday, I decided to drive out to one of the Targets I knew Amanda was most likely to shop at. Having once lived in the same part of town as her, I knew that the closest Target was the one in Rocky River. (Or is it Fairview Park? That area is kind of confusing as to where the borders are.) After looking in their menswear section, I found a rack of them, thereby proving that Amanda was not a dirty, filthy liar. Unfortunately, the only variety they carried in my size was the Dracula design, and the Dracula design kind of put me off. It wasn’t a picture of Bela Lugosi but a weird gargoyle-type head that was featured on one of the posters. But after looking at them a bit, I decided they were still pretty neat, so I bought them. The only other design they had was Frankenstein, which also put me off a bit, due to the fact that it featured Lon Chaney Jr. as the Monster, and not Karloff. (Or maybe it’s Glenn Strange; it’s hard to tell. Either way, it should be Karloff. I was also a bit disappointed that they didn't have matching shirts to go along with the pants.)

After a quick pit stop at Qdoba for a chicken mole burrito—I love those things—and one at Half Price Books to visit my friend Tim, I went out to the North Olmsted store. They actually had all four designs, Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Unfortunately, the only one they had in my size was the Mummy. I asked if they might have any more in the back, which they didn’t. They did say, however, that they could check at the customer service desk to see if any of the other Target stores in the area had them. I was told by the lady that my best bet would be the Elyria store.

To those of you who don’t know, Elyria is west. Way west. It’s really not even part of Cleveland; it’s just sort of near it. I’d been there a couple times before to pick some stuff up for work, but I’d hoped to never go back. Aside from being really far out, it’s also kind of a dumpy area. But I was on a quest, and I wasn’t about something like driving to Elyria deter me in my quest for awesome pajama pants! So I asked the lady for directions.

The directions she gave me were actually fairly incorrect. She forgot to mention that I needed to take I-80 west, rather she led me to believe that I could get to OH-57 from I-480 west. To make things worse, she told me the wrong direction to travel on OH-57. I ended up calling the store, and the directions on their recorded message were kind of unclear. Between the two, though, I managed to make it there after turning around twice.

The Elyria store did indeed have the other two designs in my size, so I paid for them and was on my merry way. Unfortunately, my merry way was all the way back to South Euclid. It took me about forty minutes to get home.

I can’t quite explain it. I mean, not very many people will ever get to see them, but there’s still something about having fun pajama pants that makes me happy. Taken alongside the fact that I really like the Hello Kitty Pop Tarts, I wonder if perhaps I’m part girl.